An unexpected time

If someone told me that 2020 will be a year full of unpredictable events, I would never be able to imagine it the way it is now.

2020 started okay with so many plans in my head and heart. Then it was slowly consumed by the coronavirus news. And then, out of nowhere, March was hit with the words ‘pandemic’ and ‘lockdown’. I don’t think that I’d followed the news as closely as now. How ironic it is that it took a pandemic for me to read news everyday.

This is surely an uncertain time with so many unanswered questions. I also agree it’s a good time to reflect on yourself. I’ve been trying to do a little meditation everyday after my workouts, mostly to prevent my mind to wander to the far away and dangerous lands.

There’s something though, I know this better but in certain circumstances, nothing I’ve ever done is good enough. Whatever I do is just wrong, everything was falling apart sometimes.

I think I will learn a lot of things and I do think I will come out a little different from who I am today, after this difficult time. I hope that the new me will be able to checkmark the list for the remaining of 2020.

Cheers to all the upcoming challenges and changes!


Hmm, awhile ago, I wrote something about my relationship status. I’m content with my decisions and I don’t regret even a bit of it.

However, my family doesn’t seem to understand that at all. I know they all have good intentions (don’t they all?) But I can’t agree with trying to introduce me to someone is a smart move.

Anyhow, we went for a date yesterday after texting for a week. How should I describe this? He’s a nice guy, though he didn’t seem to show it often. Though I can tell from beginning, we have different values in life.

I don’t mind having a new friend but we were definitely on the same page about not pushing this matter any further. He wasn’t ready for it. I don’t want to be in it. All is for the best.

I just hope that sooner or later, families can understand that this is a really private matter that shouldn’t be interfered by outsiders. Life is still going on, despite your relationship status so why bother? What comes will come and if it’s really meant to be, it’d be yours forever.

Be patience, be kind and be true to yourself. Life is too short to spend on heartbreaks and wrong people. Enjoy life, enjoy every moment of it at your fullest, happiness then will find you.

About to say bye to the year of the Monkey and say hi to the year of the Piggies

One more day and the year of the Monkey will be over. A year with so many ups and downs, so many opportunities and challenges, so many changes in both of my professional and personal lives.

I’m thankful for everything and everyone that I occurred during this year. I learned new things, I achieved new goals, I made mistakes, I met someone, I broke someone’s heart, I (almost) lost someone, etc. I’m thankful for all of that because now I can look back and appreciate everything that I still have in my life.

I look forward for a new year to come, the year of Piggies. This year, I want to climb to another height, I see different places and learn more skills. Life is long but short, if I don’t seize the chances now, would I have another try in the future?

I don’t want to live in regret ever so I think, keep looking and moving forward will continue to be my life’s motto this year.

Thank you for everything you brought to me, 2018, the Monkey’s year! I will see you again in 12 years.

I hope there will be good things and good news come to my life, along with you, 2019, the Piggies’ year! Please be good to me!


After almost 8 years, I dated again. However, it turned out that I’m the reason for all of my relationship issues.

How ironic it was! They both have similar characters, similar personality and hobbies. Though it wasn’t fair for them to meet me. 

One was my first relationship, when I was young and (a bit) wild. One that I felt I could give away anything and everything to be with. But then, life taught me a lesson that I wasn’t ready at all. I thought, might or might not, I broke his heart and his feelings. It was a terrible feeling after all. I know that it was the best thing for both of us but this guilt would remain there no matter what.

One was my second relationship, and I was now a little more mature than before. At first, I thought that he could be the one. We had so many similarities and he’s a good friend of my cousin. I think the mistake I made was moving too fast. It didn’t feel like that at the beginning, but slowly, later in the relationship, I knew that I was too rush into this relationship. He is an amazing guy. Honest, hardworking, family oriented, funny, genuine, etc. At the end, I myself, once again, broke his heart.

It would be wrong saying that I regret my decisions at all. I felt like I could have avoided this all along if I realized my problem earlier. The problem is I’m too selfish to sacrifice anything in my life for anyone. I would ask them to sacrifice for me, but I would not do the same thing. Yes, I take more than I give. 

Somehow, I feel that I’m a cold heart person. I even doubt that I don’t even have feelings. I know that I have a slight depression. It’s not obvious to notice but from time to time, I know that it’s there.

Anyhow, I want to say that, I’m someone that couldn’t be more careless with relationship. At this stage of my life, I truthfully feel and think that I will be better off being single. I think that I can do better being on my own and not risking breaking someone else’s heart. 

Life is too short to spend time for heartbreaks, for someone like me.


December 16, 2018

Winter 2017

Dear me and you,

Three more sleeps and 2017 will be over. I always feel a little lost at the end of every year. I can’t believe 2017 is almost done. 2017 had started with a lot of expectations and followed with many events. 2017 had been an up and down year with many good things but not less of failures. In overall, I’d say 2017 has been a successful year in almost every aspects.

At work, I did have my down time when things weren’t right at all, when no matter how hard I tried, everything still failed apart. There had been so many times that I was ready to give up, to walk away, to restart all over again. However, I did stay till the end and I wasn’t disappointed at all. I got what I’ve been wanted to do. I was able to move to where I wanted to be. Therefore, 2017 was not a bad year for my career at all.

At home, my mom and aunts did have a chance to come to Canada with us. It was a really big deal with my family since they never had a chance to visit anywhere outside of Southeast Asia. We definitely had a great time together as a big family. I did have a lot of travelling with my family to show them around and to introduce them to my 2nd hometown.

With friends, I did make some new friends. Not many but I think it’s good enough. I’d rather have a small circle of friends but I know them well than hanging out with a bunch of people that I can barely remember them when the night is over. I guess it’s true that the older you are, the harder to make friends.

Last but not the least, relationship. It’s quite late but I think I’m relieved now that I realized him and I both walked out of the past and moved on to opposite directions. There’s no more “we”, “ours”, “us” but I feel strangely good about that. I know I should’ve said this years ago, but now is exactly the time when I feel I can finally move on. Thank you for all the good and bad, thank you for all the memories, thank you for all the things you brought. Thank you and good bye, the friend and lover of my youth.

When I let go of something, I realize something new is coming my way. I don’t know what it is or which way it will lead me to. The only thing I can do is just being myself and enjoying life as much as I can, because you only live once.

2017 is almost gone and 2018 is waiting to come, I hope that the new year will come with new things, will bring me to new places and let me meet new friends. I wish that everyone will have a good and fortunate year ahead.

All the best to you and me.


Bella Nguyen

Thoughts at midnight

Things are going in my life that, well, are complicated a little bit than I’d love to.

Work didn’t go well as I planned, no promotion in the near future and it’s actually a bit of disappointment. I still have a lot to improve but definitely need to work harder to grasp the possibility in my hands.

Family life is doing great so far so I can say it’s a good thing.

I didn’t travel as much as I wanted this year so my plan for the rest of the year is keep moving around. I know that being idle for a long time will make my body and my mind rusted. Especially at this time, when work life is not that good, I need more traveling to get my mind off them and have a better start.

So far, a trip to Waterton national park is a must. Few more trips to Banff and Canmore, Lake Louise and Moraine Lake when they are less busy. I really look forward for a trip to Jasper in the winter. I really hope that I can see northern lights in time for my birthday. It’s gonna be the 25th birthday so I want to make it special.

Few more good news are, my god-son was born about 2 weeks ago! He’s adorable and I really can’t wait till I can hold him. My other niece is due soon, practically this week. And the littlest cousin is coming in November. Our family is just growing bigger and bigger. I would love to have a big family reunion. Though I’m kinda worry that we don’t have enough space for everyone lol.

Talk about family, my friends are getting married and having kids a lot recently. I know that’s a good thing and don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for them. I’m just a bit lonely, feel like that I’m being left out. The feeling will go away soon so don’t even bother.

Since I mentioned that relationship topic, let’s say something about it. I’ve been kinda cheesy lately, by watching a lot of dramas, reading lots of sweet romances, and feel like, hmm, maybe I should read Twilight again? All of these led to one thing, how I am supposed to find my significant other (s.o.)?

I know that you would say it’s unrealistic, but I honestly think that the one will come to me. He doesn’t have to be a prince charming (I’m not a princess charming either). He just has to be someone who loves me and will protect me no matter what. I don’t know about others, but I really really really want to be kissed on the forehead. To me, a kiss on the forehead is the most romantic one. They said it’s a sign for respect and protection and I agree with that totally. When the one appears, I know that he’ll be able to give me the missing piece that I’m looking for.

To most people, this is childish. But I believe that each person has another part for them. That s.o. can only appear once and only one. If you miss that, you miss that for life. I’m open minded and modern, but I’m still a traditional girl at heart. Therefore, I want to keep the best for last and the wait will come to a good end.

What if the one never comes, you ask? Then I will keep moving along with my life. Life is not about relationship, getting hooked and settled down. Love is a part of your life, if you are missing it, you may not live it up to the fullest. However, love is not a necessity either. If you don’t find love, you will be able to find something else to do. So why bother?

I really have no idea what I’m talking anymore. Let’s go to sleep and talk more next time.

Love you,

Myself to myself

September 3rd, 2016

Calgary, AB @  12.27 AM

Kiss Me – Thai Version

Hello to my dusty blog!

It has been a significant gap between my last post and this new one. I really have no excuse about this, I just simply don’t have any motivation to write anything, until today.

To anyone who loves reading Shoujo Manga, Itazura na Kiss by Kaoru Tada might sound familiar. The plot is a typical romance (and mostly fantasy) between a not-so-smart-but-lovely-and-kind girl Kotoko and a very-smart-and-handsome-and-cold-prince type of boy Naoki. You can tell that these twos are completely different. They don’t have the same interests, same goals or hobbies. But fate did do a twisted turn in their favour. Naoki slowly grew interested in Kotoko and his desire of protecting and loving her was getting stronger and stronger after they lived together. Of course, along with their love story is a lot of hilarious situations and OMG scenes that do anything but make you wonder, can someone actually survives after humiliating themselves so often.

However, we are not discussing the manga today. I just want to talk about few things from one of the TV dramas that was adopted from this manga, Kiss Me รักล้นใจนายแกล้งจุ๊บ that was starred in 2015 in Thailand. Watching this drama actually makes me giggling like a teenager girl about to see her crush. Everything seems really natural to them and the plot went well with the story, though sometime you keep wonder about the time change in the drama.

This adoption is a really well done one. I would highly recommend to anyone who is interested to watch it. Though, again, we are not talking specifically about the drama, I just want to name some of my thinking from the drama.

  1. If you are Taliw (Kotoko), would you have the courage to follow your prince charming after being public humiliating and teasing (tons) by him?
  2. If you have courage for that, congratulations! Now, he’s a genius, and you are ranked second from the bottom, will you have enough brave to overcome the difference in IQ?
  3. If the answer is a Yes, well done! Now, let’s say that you have someone in your level, who loves and protects you till his last breath, but of course, he’s in your friend zone. At the same time, a meanie who is smarter than most people, picks on you, laughs at you because of your idiocy, is actually being considered as your prince charming. The question is, are you dare to fill in the gap with someone you love (and not sure if he loves you back)? Or you will take the safe passage with someone loves you?
  4. This question is about moving on with someone you love. When told you that you twos are not a good fit, you are not for him and he’s not for you. What would be your reactions? I think for me, I would like to harass him with my footwear to gain a decent answer before I let go.
  5. Back to the guy who let her go. Sometime I just hate that someone just intentionally let their loved one walk out of their lives. I know under circumstances, that decision is for the best. However, I don’t agree with using that at the first try. Especially hate people who use “it’s all for your good sake” excuses. I honestly want to teach those people about making decision for others.
  6. The last but not least, is differences or similarities will bring out the best of the relationship? I personally prefer similarities with slightly differences will work the magic.

I think it’s goof for now. You might or might not noticed that I gave out lots of question but

Rain and me – Mưa và em

Ed Sheeran – Kiss Me (Rain Version)

Kiss me by Ed Sheeran can bring a lot of feelings to me, especially when I listen the rain version.

“…Kiss me like you wanna be loved…”

They always said, people tend to be more sensitive and insecure under the rain, lonely. I agree with that completely.

You walk in the rain, by yourself. Everyone is rushing pass you to go home, to be with their family. You don’t have any where to go, and no one is waiting for you to be home, you know that.

Under the rain, you actually feel safer than in a lonely home, because you know no one can see you crying. No one knows whether it’s raindrops or your tears.


Vì em mà anh đến – Huyền Mặc

Mình vừa đọc xong truyện Vì em mà anh đến của Huyền Mặc. Cảm giác hiện giờ hơi khó tả.

Truyện không phải ngược, là HE nhưng lại khiến mình day dứt.

Duy An là một cô gái bình thường như mọi  cô gái khác, nhưng vì có một tuổi thơ không hạnh phúc nên cô tự ti. Tự ti đến mức yêu thầm một người con trai suốt ba năm mà không dám nói nên lời. Theo mạch truyện,  cảm xúc của mình thay đổi cùng khá nhiều. Lúc thì rất ghét cô vì cô do dự quá, không buông bỏ được quá khứ để tiếp tục, có lúc lại thương quá vì cảm xúc của cô là bình thường thôi, có mấy ai có thể quên đi tình cảm suốt thời học sinh nhanh được chứ. Nói chung là phức tạp nhưng mình không ghét Duy An.

Tống Thư Minh – người đàn ông luôn dành cho Duy An sự bao dung như đại dương và yêu cô hơn cả bản thân. Anh vốn là một  bí ẩn. Sự xuất hiện kỳ lạ, lời nói và cách xử sự không hợp thời, luôn biến mất và luôn không có sự giải thích hợp lý. Anh là một câu đố mà Duy An không thể giải được. Đồng thời, anh cũng là người mà cô một mực tin tưởng ngay cả khi cô không thể bước đi. Tình yêu mà anh dành cho cô, đơn giản đã vượt qua tất cả mọi giới hạn không gian và thời gian rồi.

Kiều Ngữ – Kiều thiếu, người mà Duy An đã dùng cả tuổi thanh xuân để yêu và để ghét. Cảm xúc tôi dành cho anh ta chỉ có thể là chán ghét và đáng thương.  Anh ta là một kẻ đáng ghét khi luôn đặt mình lên vị trí cao hơn và xem thường người khác, nhất là khi anh ta luôn xem Duy An như một món đồ chơi của mình và làm tổn thương cô chỉ để chứng tỏ cô không là gì cả. Đáng thương khi anh ta đã nhận ra tình cảm của mình và không đủ can đảm để thừa nhận nó. Cái chết của anh ta, khó nói là cảm động nhưng thật sự là anh ta cũng không đến mức đáng chết.

Nói tóm lại, cảm xúc mà cuốn truyện này mang đến cho mình cũng không hẳn là vui vẻ hay hạnh phúc, nhưng đây đúng là một kết thúc hợp lý.  Dù có thích hay ghét tính cách của nhân vật thì mình tin là Huyền Mặc đã xây dựng  nhân vật rất thật và gần với đời thật.