Lack of something


I watched the video “Military reunions caught on tape” yesterday – Father’s day and I was crying the whole time I watched it 😦
I was just thinking about my father, my biological father. I lived with him only 3 first years in my life and I don’t have good memories about him, about that time, it’s like a blurred picture, nothing come to mind.
Watched this video, it made me feel sad. I don’t have a father to rely on, don’t have a father who teaches me how to be strong, how to realize a good man in this big world, etc. Till now, I just realized how bad is it when I don’t have a father by my side.
My step father is a good man and a good father, he takes care of me and my mom but I feel like it lacks of something, something I can’t name it.
My friend, a guy, he said he can’t understand why I have to be strong outside but fragile inside like this. I just don’t know. It’s been a long time since I really, really rely on someone. I have forgotten how to trust people, how to let my guard down, how to relax, how to show my true self with anyone…
Mhm, it’s not a good time to say something like that, right? It’s Monday and don’t be that gloomy ^^
Keep trying and keep moving forward 🙂

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