This summer is the most boring summer I have ever had. I can’t put my mind in anything, I have to wait and wait. There’s nothing I can really do. I feel like I’m a loser =))
I’m tired. I’m tired of this cover, of being a strong girl, of being cold and ambitious – complicated, right? I have many things I wanna do for the rest of my life, I have many goals I wanna achieve before I grow old and I usually ask more than I already have (greedy, I know). My friends, my ex used to say, they are afraid of my ambitions because they know my ambition will bring me far away someday.
I agree, my ambition is big and I want more. Don’t take me wrong, I don’t ask for money because I don’t need more than the amount I need to have a comfortable life. What I need is a place to tell everyone that I’m here, I’m the one who made it, I’m the one who stands by myself and achieves all my goals, to prove that I can do anything I want.
This thinking has appeared since I was a child, I wanna prove with everyone that I have ability to do all of these things. Maybe I have this thinking because I wanna prove with my father that the daughter he hasn’t wanted can do all she wants and he has to regret because of leaving me =)) such a pity, right?!
I have a strong personality, I can stand up after I have failed, I can control my emotions to get over something miserable. But in the end, what’s the thing I really need? I don’t know. I just wanna find the one whom I can be myself in front of, I can be anything/anyone I want, and that person can make me feel like this:
Is it too hard to do?
Well, leave that question aside, I’ll find my answer out someday. I have to keep walking on my way and become who/what I wanna become because I know, I can… 🙂