There’s no one in this world don’t have a dream/an ambition/something they wanna achieve. Some people may have more dream/more ambitions than the others. However, that’s not mean that they always success.

I don’t know what’s it but right now, my mind, my heart – they hurt so much. I can’t blame anyone because of this, but really, deep down inside, I wanna scream out loud, wanna kick something/beat someone up or just get drunk, drunk enough to forget everything, to forget my ambition, even just in a minute.

I’m greedy. I’m selfish. I’m ambitious. I’m hot-tempered. I’m impatience… There are many many bad things in me but I really really wanna prove with everyone that I can do this, I can achieve my dream, I can find my own place in this big world.

Why? Why does it have to so hard?

I don’t ask their money, don’t ask them to love me, to take care of me. I just want a CHANCE, only one to prove my ability. A chance to prove myself, to protect my only home – my mom, a chance to show them she’s the greatest mom in this world and she has given me all the best.

I can say, I don’t need a man. It’s not that I’m strong enough to protect myself from everything. I’m not strong. I still cry when someone/something hurt me and if I can find a man – my true man to protect me, to profess his love for me, to provide me a strong arms in the storm – it will be the best for my life. But, I don’t really need that best thing. I only want myself have enough strong to protect my mom and myself.

I’m willingly single for the rest of my life because, how much I want a man by my side, I still wanna stand by own feet, to chase my dream and of course, I can abandon my love if my love stand on my way. How rude does it sound? I know, but it’s my choice after all.

I don’t wanna say this but I’m tired, I’m tired of this family, of the people whom I call aunts and uncles, tired of following something’s out of my reach. I have to admit, money is not everything, but without it, you have nothing.

In my case, my life recently, I nearly lost my ambitious, my dream and my will. There’s only 4 days left and I can do nothing, just staying here and waiting for the day I have to face the reality. It’s ok because if I can’t have something, I will let it go, it’s better than keep it aside but can’t touch it.

Sounds pathetic, right?! Facing the reality is better than lulling yourself in a dream, because I never had a dream come true.

When a door is closed, another door will be opened, you just have to find that door and find a new way to go.

I don’t know what song is a good choice right now but I think I don’t believe you by Pink would be a good choice ^^


2 thoughts on “Reality

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