I’m lost.

That’s so funny! yesterday was my birthday and the 1st day of my 20th, I said I’m lost!

Seriously, I don’t know what should I do, or even what should I think. I don’t wanna explain with anyone, it’s just, I’m kinda tired.

Mom said, she doesn’t know why I have to hide my true feelings, why I have to cover my true self by something bad, very bad like now. I couldn’t answer, or I have to say, I didn’t know how to answer her.

I wanna be normal, I wanna be what I wanna be, but the problem is, no one understand for me. I’m trying to do my best, I know I’m not a good girl, but I’m trying!!!

She said, someday, when she was gone, she doesn’t know if I could live with anyone in family anymore, I don’t know, too. However, I’m too tired to argue with her, just wanna escape to a place when no one knows me, a place I can cry out loud and don’t even care everyone could hear me.

Ah, seems like I forgot, I’m the type of girl who doesn’t like anyone can hear her crying, weirdo, I know.

I asked her for leaving this house 3days in the end of this month, to welcome the new year in a different place, to refresh myself after all, but it seems like she couldn’t understand.

Fine, I don’t have anything to say, to explain. I’ll do whatever she wants, she asks me to do.

Just wanna get lost in myself

Lonely isn’t when you’re in an island by yourself, but lonely when you’re standing in the crowd and realize, there’s no place for you to come, no one for you to talk and no corner for you to cry

I think this song is the best for me right now, The lonely by Christina Perri 🙂

I’m the ghost of a girl that I want to be most

I’m the shell of a girl that I used to know well


4 thoughts on “Lost

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