Fast, so fast, don’t you think?
I have been here for one month, three week and 2 days.
I have to say, many things has happened and I, myself see that I have changed, slowly.
I don’t say things carelessly anymore, I take care of my finance more than the past, I know where am I right now. There are many many things that I hard to say, I just feel that, I have changed.
I know everyone has to grow up, has to change, but somehow, I wish I could be careless as long as I want, I could be childish whenever I want, but for now, I just can’t.
Slowly, step by step, one by one, even I know this life is harsh, even I have prepared my mind, but then, I have to say, life is cruel. Life, one word, four letters, it’s included many things, many sides of a person, a society, a culture, a country, a world. Now, I have to step in the life, have to face any challenge in front of me.
I have to say, I’m kinda shock and feel pressure. I’m tired, really tired, just like I’m standing in the sea and waves are coming from everywhere, wanna take me down, dip me down to the water.
I’m scared. Yes, I’m scared. I’m scared of this life, I’m scared because I don’t wanna lose myself in this cruel thing calls life. I’m scared because this walk is too long, too far and I have to go all alone, just me and myself, no one else. I’m scared of falling down, of being weak and seeking for a safe place and then, never stand up again.
There are many things for me to scared, but this way, this life is what I chose, I have no choice to say regret and I don’t regret either. Life is harsh, no one can deny it and I have to find a way to fit in it, fit, not too small, not too big, just fit.
There will be time I become weak, lost my way, don’t know where to go, what to do, but I have to promise to myself, I won’t give up, I won’t stop and I won’t rely on anyone, this way, I have to go all alone, have to stand there by myself.
This week is Mother’s Day week. A busy week, and tired too. I have arranged a Mother’s Day gift for Mom from afar, hope she will like it. Though none of us say love to each other, but I believe that she understands as well as me. I really really love her, respect her, admire her, and now, miss her. Just wanna be there with her, become a child to nudge to her side, to be whatever I want right now, however, this has to wait, I will come back to her in a few years, but now, both of us have to try, try really hard.
I love you, Mom. I will come back with you in a few years. Love and miss you so much, my dearest Mom.
Happy Mother’s Day and thanks for all that you did, do and will do for me.
My one and only Mom, my dearest person in the world, my all.