After almost 8 years, I dated again. However, it turned out that I’m the reason for all of my relationship issues.
How ironic it was! They both have similar characters, similar personality and hobbies. Though it wasn’t fair for them to meet me.
One was my first relationship, when I was young and (a bit) wild. One that I felt I could give away anything and everything to be with. But then, life taught me a lesson that I wasn’t ready at all. I thought, might or might not, I broke his heart and his feelings. It was a terrible feeling after all. I know that it was the best thing for both of us but this guilt would remain there no matter what.
One was my second relationship, and I was now a little more mature than before. At first, I thought that he could be the one. We had so many similarities and he’s a good friend of my cousin. I think the mistake I made was moving too fast. It didn’t feel like that at the beginning, but slowly, later in the relationship, I knew that I was too rush into this relationship. He is an amazing guy. Honest, hardworking, family oriented, funny, genuine, etc. At the end, I myself, once again, broke his heart.
It would be wrong saying that I regret my decisions at all. I felt like I could have avoided this all along if I realized my problem earlier. The problem is I’m too selfish to sacrifice anything in my life for anyone. I would ask them to sacrifice for me, but I would not do the same thing. Yes, I take more than I give.
Somehow, I feel that I’m a cold heart person. I even doubt that I don’t even have feelings. I know that I have a slight depression. It’s not obvious to notice but from time to time, I know that it’s there.
Anyhow, I want to say that, I’m someone that couldn’t be more careless with relationship. At this stage of my life, I truthfully feel and think that I will be better off being single. I think that I can do better being on my own and not risking breaking someone else’s heart.
Life is too short to spend time for heartbreaks, for someone like me.
December 16, 2018